I guess the news of Stephen Fry's weight loss are not news to anyone but me. Here's an article from 2009, when he had just lost the weight. I came upon it in his autobiography a few days ago. It's the usual story - gave up sugar and white carbs, feels better exercising more, etc. I'm sure it's what many people would call inspirational. I'm deeply disappointed, though. Fry is a talented person with a lot of life experience, so I just expected a little more of him.
I don't begrudge him the healthier lifestyle, per se. If he feels good living like this, more power to him. Him being fat isn't something I personally rely on. But I thought Fry was an intelligent person who thinks deeply about things. Has he ever stopped to consider the diet culture, the pressures on people? Has he thought of how his fat fans might feel reading this stuff? He even mentions the possibility of penning a diet book. That's just what we need: another celebrity using their status to advertise a diet.
What struck me in his book, and also in this article, is the way he talks about his former body shape. It's the typical dieter's "I was disgusting" narrative. I don't necessarily blame Fry; I blame our culture for creating this as the one and only narrative for a fat person. You realize you're fat and you must do something about it, and then you do it and feel better. Your past self becomes a horrifying thing to look back on, something you will never want to be again. Maybe dieters need this to keep them going, but it's still a slap in the face for those of us who stayed fat.
I'm going to be terribly unprofessional about this, since I don't have the book on hand, and won't quote directly. But what he wrote was along the lines of "I weighed xxx pounds and was comically overweight," "I wept over this thing I had become". He mentions exact pounds and kilograms he weighed back then, implying - and surely expecting his audience to agree - that this kind of weight is unacceptable.
What about all the people who weigh as much, or more? Does he consider them all to be disgusting and unacceptable - or does he assume that no one that fat even reads the book? Does he want to create a distance from them, lift himself into a better category of person? Somehow, I'm sure he doesn't; his tone is that of a private, personal self-loathing. But here's the thing: a fat reader might read that into it, and might feel really alienated from him because of it.
I shouldn't react so angrily, I guess. I've looked in the mirror thinking the same things - what have I become, am I disgustingly fat, how do others see me? But I believe these feelings are something we must fight against. I believe there is no Point of Doing Something About It, there are only bodies of different shapes. The body has a lifespan (well, literally), and it has phases where it's softer and others where it's harder. I think we should treat these phases more gently. Less as "OMG what is this monstrous obesity" and more as "now I'm bigger, and I'm still the same person, and I'm OK".
What would I say to Mr Fry, were I to meet him? Well, I could always tweet him I guess. I probably won't. It's not my place to say, and I don't want to come off as a fanatic, and and. Maybe I should say something though. Maybe I should say: you forgot about your roots. You were one of us, and now you're there saying how disgusting you were. That hurts us. We're already told every day that we are disgusting. We needed more from you.
Sad and Tired
13 years ago
You do realise he's gained most, if not all of that weight back? http://www.comicbookmovie.com/fansites/rorschachsrants/news/?a=25831 That's a pic of him taken when he was in NZ recently, filming on the new Sherlock Holmes movie--he's playing Mycroft Holmes.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure that information pleases your tiny and nasty brain. Instead of supporting someone who is going through something similar to yourself, you hold him to a higher standard just because he's a public figure. He's human and relating HIS journey.
You are more disgusting than he is about this. He is not responsible for how someone interprets his words, especailly as he makes it clear he's talking about himself.
It's said to see him being torn down over this--especially as he's regained the weight.
Try a little compassion--especially if you expect it from others.
I'm not surprised, as a no-sugar regime is hard to keep up, and most people do gain the weight back. Considering Mr Fry's extreme self-loathing, he might even be suffering from an eating disorder. You see, I do empathise with him, but that doesn't place him above criticism.
ReplyDeleteYou act like regaining the weight erases everything he ever said, but it doesn't. He might think he's disgusting now, and I do feel for him, but there are many others like him and bigger who are fighting to feel better about themselves. It also doesn't give me ANY pleasure or feeling of closure to see him regain the weight, as you seem to assume. I judge him by his actions alone.
Wouldn't you agree that what he says about himself does, to some degree, reflect what he thinks of others? We're always harsher on ourselves. But let's say I said that I'm now 200 pounds and that's TERRIBLE, I MUST DIET, I should never have let myself get this huge(feelings I sometimes have, but try not to listen to). How would any 200+ readers feel? I'd feel like a fool saying that, knowing there might be 300-pound readers who feel great being themselves. The difference between Fry and myself is that a) way more people read his stuff, and b) he doesn't seem to be considering those larger than himself.
I don't hold Mr Fry up to a higher standard than anyone else, I'm just acknowledging his status. If he planned on writing a book on his diet, he wanted to use his status to send a message, and it's a message I personally object to.
I wasn't tearing him down, either. I was criticizing his behavior and words. As a public figure, he does have to think about other people and how they might feel when reading what he says. This is something I do believe. Everyone should be kind, but widely admired and followed people should be especially so.
Ignore the nasty troll.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you're talking about. I've been there before. I've lost weight, and looked at old pictures in disgust, talked about my fat body as if it was some monstrosity. The fat me, as subhuman. When I see someone doing the same thing, I always think, wait til you get fat again. Not in a mean, "haha you'll be fat again" sort of way, but in a "you'll really cringe at how you spoke of yourself and other fat people" sort of way.
I think my problem is that I try to take heed of every piece of advice, even if it comes in a poorly spelled and incoherent form.
ReplyDeleteI guess I had that feeling too once, when I lost 30 pounds (omg 30 pounds! I felt so much better!! not.) (Although it was slightly easier to climb up stairs.)
I do wonder if Mr Fry could find something positive through this - perhaps even fat acceptance? Most of us arrived here through dieting or eating disorders, so who knows?
@Anonymous: She's not allowed to feel disappointment that another person has followed the same path that reinforces cultural hatred of people like her (and like me)? You do bring up some good points--there's a fine line between allowing other people their own choices judgement-free and thinking that their choices are culturally default and therefore could use some critique--but they may have come across better if you hadn't first rudely insulted Deniselle.
ReplyDeletefattery: Do you think I was being judgemental of Mr Fry? That wasn't my intention, but I am running a fever, so I may have been angrier than usual. I'll look it over once I feel better.
ReplyDeleteI read the Anonymous comment as halfway between trolling and fangirl-defending, but I published it because I wanted to allow the other side to talk. It was emotional, but so was my post.
I have nothing against Mr Fry. But this is just a case in point that if you use extreme words like "disgusting", you get angry responses.
Deniselle, something that immediately occurred to me, reading that, is that Mr. Fry has a history of bipolar disorder. And the kind of self-loathing he describes is (while sadly not uncommon among fat people who've been indoctrinated in self-hate from an early age) absolutely typical of most mental illnesses. And speaking as someone with a history of unipolar depression - which is not the same disorder at all, but it does have some common factors - it's all too easy, when in that state, to fall for society's urgings that changing your outside will change how you feel inside.
ReplyDelete(Also, while he may think his diet has helped deal with his bipolar, cutting out an entire food group - especially carbs, which trigger serotonin release - is not going to do great things for anyone's brain chemistry, especially when that chemistry is already off-kilter. It annoys me that a lot of food advice for people with mental issues solemnly warns against comfort eating junk, but doesn't warn of the possible dangers of so-called 'healthy' weight loss diets.)
While I don't necessarily agree with everything he's ever said, and I'm not a Twitter follower, I have great respect and admiration for Mr. Fry. He's erudite, intelligent, and has a history of speaking out passionately on a variety of causes - mental health, sexuality, animal rights, the misuse of religion...I can't help thinking what a valuable voice he'd be in the movement for body image acceptance, if he could only learn to accept himself in that way.
I think you may be right. I also suffer from depression and am given to bouts of self-loathing like that.
ReplyDeleteI guess I'm more disappointed in Fry with things like this than I am with, say, Ricky Gervais who's already a bit mean at times. Mr Fry has shown such kindness that it makes me believe less in PEOPLE if he's anti-fat. But I should remember it's really just internalized self-loathing.
@Deniselle: I don't think you were being judgmental, the comment by Anonymous just brought up a tough issue in my mind. The issue of how to criticize or express disappointment in some one else without being judgmental is a hard to pin down. I mean--I don't really want people outside of the fat acceptance movement being "disappointed" that I have given up trying to lose weight, you know? It's more productive to criticize cultural systems than individuals, and yet it's only human to be disappointed when some one you know or some one who you respect makes a decision that reinforces a cultural system you think is wrong. I'm not even saying we should try to fight against that disappointment--I don't really have an answer, but it's something I think about a lot.
ReplyDelete"gave up sugar and white carbs" != "cutting out an entire food group - especially carbs, which trigger serotonin release"
ReplyDeleteI personally try not to eat 'white carbs', not because I'm trying to lose weight but because they contain very little of nutritional value - but that doesn't mean I'm on a low carb diet - I just ate a wholemeal English muffin and a pear - and earlier I ate a bowl of porridge and some bluberries. Wholegrains are carbs too - so are most fruit and veg.