Daphne on Frasier

Originally posted at Fatly Yours on Wednesday, September 24, 2008

I liked Frasier a lot. It was an unusually intelligent sitcom. The characters were likeable yet flawed, not simple stereotypes. Frasier and his brother Niles were obnoxious rich snobs, but with a heart, and the show was both funny and touching. Jane Leeves played Daphne, a quirky British physical therapist with a quick wit. She also became Niles' secret crush for years to come.

When Daphne and Niles finally hooked up in the eighth season, Leeves had just become pregnant. The writers apparently didn't know how to handle this. A pregnancy that early on would have been difficult to fit in the storyline (since Daphne had just left her fiancé, the baby might have been his). Their solution was to make her fat.

After my own weight gain, I have always wanted to see a sympathetic, realistic portrayal of a young woman gaining weight. Women on TV seem to either already be fat or skinny and stay that way, and the fat female characters are almost always elderly. Since most people don't get fat overnight, I think it would be interesting to explore the weight issues from a calm everyday angle, rather than the usual "lol, fatty loves to eat!" point of view. Frasier was more intelligent than most sitcoms, so this could have been possible. However, the writers suffered from what I suspect is a simple case of ignorance and ambivalence on the issue. They didn't know what to do with this storyline, and it was all over the place.

Temporarily fatter sitcom characters, who always quickly lose the weight, generally make me mad. I even hated that episode of Seinfeld, and I love Seinfeld. It's just not a good idea to make your character gain weight all of a sudden, unless you have something real to say about it. Most writers don't.

I know I'm asking for way too much, but here's how I wish it had gone down:
1. Daphne gains a little weight, preferably without snacking constantly or changing her eating habits in a major way.
2. Horrified, she goes on a very strict diet. The others around her are concerned. Bonus points if the diet is doctor-prescribed.
3. She loses the weight, then quickly gains it back, and develops an obsessive spiral of dieting, thus gaining even more weight.
4. In the end, Frasier and Niles confront her about her dieting, and try to help her understand why she's so obsessed with her weight. Bonus points if she takes her time losing the weight, or doesn't lose it at all.

And here's the way it went down. Imagine eye-rolling at most points:
1. When Daphne and Niles get together, he keeps taking her on lavish dinners and bringing her chocolates, etc. Daphne starts overeating and gains weight.
2. In the course of a couple of months, Dapne gains sixty pounds (!!).
3. In the end, she is forced to face her weight gain. She decides to diet and Niles tries to help her, but she keeps cheating by hiding food all over the house.
4. When she gets caught cheating, Niles and Frasier are sympathetic to her issues and suggest a spa diet.
5. Daphne goes to the spa, then comes back in some weeks, having lost all of the weight. She never gains weight again (except when she gets pregnant the following season).

This is wrong on so many levels. The extreme weight gain could have been a sign of a serious illness or an eating disorder, but no one even considers that. Do people really gain 60 pounds in the course of a few months, only to lose it all within the same year? To add insult to injury, Jane Leeves came back from her maternity leave looking thinner than ever.

In each episode, Daphne is shown eating all the time, completely oblivious to how others might see this. Frasier's father Martin makes mean fat jokes when she's out of the room, and people whisper about her weight gain behind her back. No one makes remarks to Daphne's face, however, because they want to be tactful. Martin says he will mention the issue to Daphne "after she's too big to chase me but before she needs the motorized scooter" - a good example of the mean-spirited and uninspired fat jokes in this season. The studio audience, to their credit, had to be told to laugh. There was zero reaction at first, so they were told that Jane here is pregnant, please bear with us. The reaction should have been a sign that this does. not. work.

Frasier, who's a psychiatrist, doesn't handle this very professionally. He participates in Martin's jokes about Daphne and seems appalled at her eating habits. When time comes to confront Daphne about her problem, he can't find a way to say anything to her or even to Niles. There's a whole awkward scene where he tries to show Niles his concern, and Niles keeps misunderstanding him. People who can say mean stuff behind your back, but can't talk about your weight to you in a constructive way are usually not all that accepting. I wonder how Frasier would deal with a patient who had a "weight problem".

In the scene where it all comes out, Daphne and Niles come home from a restaurant and she falls and sprains her ankle. Niles, who's puny, can't lift her, and she has to face the reality of her weight gain. I felt this scene was an awfully contrived way of bringing on the big realization. Does there have to be one big moment like that? Most people are acutely aware of any weight gain, let alone sixty pounds in just a couple of months. Had they shown Daphne worrying about her weight before, being defensive about it, asking Niles if she's still attractive to him, etc., it would have made her much more real and relatable. Of course, that would have made all the fat jokes seem mean, so it would have spoiled all the "fun".

Daphne says, "I've spent weeks watching meself expand. I kept hoping it would go away by itself." This, to me, reads as "fatties delude themselves". Would it really be possible to ignore for that long? She would have had to change her entire wardrobe. Besides, most women I know would jump straight into "OMG, I'm such a fat pig" when they gain weight. I still do that too, despite my FA beliefs. So I call bullshit on this attitude. Niles apologizes for all the lavish dinners, but Daphne thinks it's her own fault: "I just need to develop some willpower." This I liked, because it was a realistic, self-aware response. (Even if I don't agree with the idea of "willpower" presented here.)

Martin comes in to help with the lifting, and Daphne now shows she's aware of his jokes: "No cracks, old man! I know I've gotten heavy and I've resolved to do something about it." The latter part bugs. She seems to be saying that it's no longer OK to make fun of her body, but it was OK when she was still stuffing her face. Why is this the only time we see Daphne confronting Martin about his attitude? One of my pet peeves, when TV characters make fat jokes, is that the fatty never gets to say anything sassy back. Daphne used to be sassy, but that was dropped when she gained weight.

I also felt that this scene, which ends with Frasier coming in and helping them lift Daphne, was unnecessarily humiliating. Does her moment of realization need an audience? I've noticed this in both cartoons and sitcoms: the moment of transition from fatty to dieter comes through a moment of humiliation - usually getting stuck or breaking something. This even allows for more dull fat jokes; Martin blithely notes: "It took three Cranes to lift you." Hilarious.

Niles tries to help Daphne by getting her an exercise machine and leaner food. After a while, she is caught hiding donuts and chocolate bars all around the house. On the one hand, I don't think it would have made sense for her to suddenly stop overeating cold turkey. On the other hand, I found the hidden snacks to be an annoyingly stereotypical fatty joke (OMG donuts!). This is, again, keeping with the tradition of fat hate in comics and sitcoms: fatty has no willpower, so others need to make her diet, and she will continue to fight against it in secret. When she's caught, Daphne breaks down, cries and admits that she has a problem. The reaction from both Niles and Frasier is sympathetic:

Niles: Come here, come here, it's all right my love. We're going
to get you through this.
Frasier: Of course we will, Daph. You know, there are professionals
who can help.
Martin: Yeah, they can wire your jaw shut, staple your stomach, put
a balloon in your gut...
Frasier: Thank you Dad! I was referring to something more like a spa,
all right? Although you might look into that jaw thing!


This time, Martin is confronted by Frasier (an element of hypocrisy on his part, since he did laugh at Daphne behind her back). I liked how Martin's extreme suggestions aren't treated as valid options. However, the fat jokes in the previous episodes sort of ruin the sympathetic attitude here. The only one who gets a pass from me is Niles, who has been nothing but caring to Daphne throughout. What I missed in this scene was the possibility that Daphne might not have to lose weight after all. If there's an eating problem, it can be helped without a weight loss goal, right? It bugs me that the writers didn't even see this as an option. If you've gained weight, you must lose it.

Upon Daphne's arrival, the others throw her a surprise welcome party. Her therapist has told her that Niles was looking at her through "love goggles" and not even noticing the weight gain. In fact, the therapist believes Daphne ate because she wanted to rebel against the idealized picture Niles has of her. Niles is hurt by this, which leads to the couple's first fight. Frasier tries to talk it over with Niles and says: "The woman gained sixty pounds, and everyone in the world saw it but you. All you ever saw was a perfect woman in a red dress." It may be true, but I don't like his vaguely despising tone here - "the woman"? - and the idea that everyone saw it. Well, I guess I don't mind that everyone saw it, but rather that everyone was staring and commenting at it behind her back. It still seems like Frasier thinks that's perfectly OK.

In the end, Daphne and Niles accept each other's flaws and make up. The weight gain/loss is used as a transition in their relationship.

David Hyde Pierce, who plays Niles, says in an interview:

“It was very important that the issue wasn’t her being overweight, since weight gain or loss is a very sensitive issue and not to be treated lightly, especially when so many people in Hollywood are really thin.”


It's a bit puzzling that they obviously gave this some thought and yet managed to make the plot pretty offensive. Yes, it's a sensitive issue - which is why you might want to not make fat jokes when you have a storyline like this. Also, it seems to me like her weight was the issue - why else go to a weight loss spa instead of seeing an eating disorders specialist or something? I seem to remember an older interview that I can no longer find, where Pierce mentioned that fans found it sweet that Niles loves Daphne and doesn't really even notice her weight gain. It says a lot about the audience's expectations, but I could almost agree that it is sweet - if it weren't for the "Niles is oblivious to Daphne's flaws" and "Daphne's trying to make herself unattractive" aspects. It's not completely unfeasible that she would do this, and it at least elevates the plot beyond "fatties love eating". But I was hoping that Niles' non-reaction could have been caused by something more positive - genuine love, seeing fat as attractive, or just not caring about weight.

So what does this storyline change? Nothing. No one learns anything. Daphne and Niles have to face each other's flaws, which they would have done eventually anyway. Martin wasn't confronted about his attitude. Daphne returns to status quo. Everyone's views on fat were validated through Daphne's crash diet, and that's it. Most sitcoms are known for their shallow treatment of deeper issues, but I think Frasier could have done better. I wouldn't say this about a show I have less respect for, but I really think this storyline was a disgrace.