Still Alive, Doing Better.

I just realized my last blog post here was in DECEMBER. So I should probably say something about how I'm doing.

I was very lowly in the beginning of the year again, what with the darkness. I went to a shrink for evaluation, and came away with a prescription for venlafaxine, which is just beginning to work, I think. I've had odd dreams and a disturbed sleep cycle, but other than that, almost no side effects at all.

And I got an eating disorder diagnosis. Atypical binge eating disorder.
It feels validating, and I think it hasn't sunken in yet - I've spent 15 years thinking I'm almost eating disordered, or I could be eating disordered but am not quite. But I guess I am - just atypically so.

The health insurance has accepted my appeal for therapy, and I found a lovely therapist who seems like she'd really get me. My first session is tomorrow. I only need to pay half, so it's about 40 a week, which is a lot for me, but my parents promised to help out.

She gets trans* issues, and she said "I don't know a lot about fat acceptance, except that it's a good thing."
When she said that, I knew I'd take her.

I'm carefully optimistic about everything right now. I have had some binge/grazing going on, and I've gained weight, which feels confusing. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel - liberated and free to be any weight? Concerned about my overeating? But I don't really feel as bad as I could.

I might not blog a lot for a while (what's new?), but my thoughts are just forming and I feel like musing on them on my own for a while. This blog has been more of a mental health diary lately anyway, but I'd like to go back to political blogging once I feel stronger. In the meantime, I post some fat acceptance stuff at The White Patch on the Black Cat. Feel free to follow, I'd love to follow any FA blogs on there!