(I'm gonna say TRIGGER WARNING for binging/depression, because this is depressing as hell)
-Ate few pieces of chocolate for fun.
-Read article that had a brief bit about how Finns eat too much sugar.
-Ate more chocolate because I have to eat it, especially if the experts hate it, and they're not taking it away from me dammit.
-Ate cheese noodles.
-Drank Coke.
-Drank more Coke.
-Made pear pie, which made me happy and feel accomplished.
-Ate half of pear pie, which made me feel sick and guilty.
-Felt incredibly tired and depressed. Overpowering urge to drink Coke took over.
-Drank more Coke, felt like I failed at life. Worried I won't be able to stop drinking too much Coke ever. Alarmed that I can't think of anything else that would possibly help my mood.
Am I doing this wrong? I'm mainly hoping for advice from... I don't even know. Just please don't tell me how dangerous and awful it is to eat so much sugar, I know right.
EDIT: this is a particularly bad day, I can sometimes eat with abandon and feel good about it. I always eat less on those days, oddly.
I'm surprised to see my own judgements at sugar and my failed attempt to not drink Coke. I have trouble accepting my Coke-drinking because it seems to be increasing, and also because I worry about my teeth. But am I restricing myself so that I become more and more craving of it?
I get panicky thinking of how fucked up I am, like my self crumbles completely under the notion that my eating is so fucked up. I want it to be OK but I feel like it's not. I hate myself. But my biggest fear is having to give up my freedom of eating, so I guess this is still better than restrictions or is it?
Sad and Tired
13 years ago