Daphne on Frasier

Originally posted at Fatly Yours on Wednesday, September 24, 2008

I liked Frasier a lot. It was an unusually intelligent sitcom. The characters were likeable yet flawed, not simple stereotypes. Frasier and his brother Niles were obnoxious rich snobs, but with a heart, and the show was both funny and touching. Jane Leeves played Daphne, a quirky British physical therapist with a quick wit. She also became Niles' secret crush for years to come.

When Daphne and Niles finally hooked up in the eighth season, Leeves had just become pregnant. The writers apparently didn't know how to handle this. A pregnancy that early on would have been difficult to fit in the storyline (since Daphne had just left her fiancé, the baby might have been his). Their solution was to make her fat.

After my own weight gain, I have always wanted to see a sympathetic, realistic portrayal of a young woman gaining weight. Women on TV seem to either already be fat or skinny and stay that way, and the fat female characters are almost always elderly. Since most people don't get fat overnight, I think it would be interesting to explore the weight issues from a calm everyday angle, rather than the usual "lol, fatty loves to eat!" point of view. Frasier was more intelligent than most sitcoms, so this could have been possible. However, the writers suffered from what I suspect is a simple case of ignorance and ambivalence on the issue. They didn't know what to do with this storyline, and it was all over the place.

Temporarily fatter sitcom characters, who always quickly lose the weight, generally make me mad. I even hated that episode of Seinfeld, and I love Seinfeld. It's just not a good idea to make your character gain weight all of a sudden, unless you have something real to say about it. Most writers don't.

I know I'm asking for way too much, but here's how I wish it had gone down:
1. Daphne gains a little weight, preferably without snacking constantly or changing her eating habits in a major way.
2. Horrified, she goes on a very strict diet. The others around her are concerned. Bonus points if the diet is doctor-prescribed.
3. She loses the weight, then quickly gains it back, and develops an obsessive spiral of dieting, thus gaining even more weight.
4. In the end, Frasier and Niles confront her about her dieting, and try to help her understand why she's so obsessed with her weight. Bonus points if she takes her time losing the weight, or doesn't lose it at all.

And here's the way it went down. Imagine eye-rolling at most points:
1. When Daphne and Niles get together, he keeps taking her on lavish dinners and bringing her chocolates, etc. Daphne starts overeating and gains weight.
2. In the course of a couple of months, Dapne gains sixty pounds (!!).
3. In the end, she is forced to face her weight gain. She decides to diet and Niles tries to help her, but she keeps cheating by hiding food all over the house.
4. When she gets caught cheating, Niles and Frasier are sympathetic to her issues and suggest a spa diet.
5. Daphne goes to the spa, then comes back in some weeks, having lost all of the weight. She never gains weight again (except when she gets pregnant the following season).

This is wrong on so many levels. The extreme weight gain could have been a sign of a serious illness or an eating disorder, but no one even considers that. Do people really gain 60 pounds in the course of a few months, only to lose it all within the same year? To add insult to injury, Jane Leeves came back from her maternity leave looking thinner than ever.

In each episode, Daphne is shown eating all the time, completely oblivious to how others might see this. Frasier's father Martin makes mean fat jokes when she's out of the room, and people whisper about her weight gain behind her back. No one makes remarks to Daphne's face, however, because they want to be tactful. Martin says he will mention the issue to Daphne "after she's too big to chase me but before she needs the motorized scooter" - a good example of the mean-spirited and uninspired fat jokes in this season. The studio audience, to their credit, had to be told to laugh. There was zero reaction at first, so they were told that Jane here is pregnant, please bear with us. The reaction should have been a sign that this does. not. work.

Frasier, who's a psychiatrist, doesn't handle this very professionally. He participates in Martin's jokes about Daphne and seems appalled at her eating habits. When time comes to confront Daphne about her problem, he can't find a way to say anything to her or even to Niles. There's a whole awkward scene where he tries to show Niles his concern, and Niles keeps misunderstanding him. People who can say mean stuff behind your back, but can't talk about your weight to you in a constructive way are usually not all that accepting. I wonder how Frasier would deal with a patient who had a "weight problem".

In the scene where it all comes out, Daphne and Niles come home from a restaurant and she falls and sprains her ankle. Niles, who's puny, can't lift her, and she has to face the reality of her weight gain. I felt this scene was an awfully contrived way of bringing on the big realization. Does there have to be one big moment like that? Most people are acutely aware of any weight gain, let alone sixty pounds in just a couple of months. Had they shown Daphne worrying about her weight before, being defensive about it, asking Niles if she's still attractive to him, etc., it would have made her much more real and relatable. Of course, that would have made all the fat jokes seem mean, so it would have spoiled all the "fun".

Daphne says, "I've spent weeks watching meself expand. I kept hoping it would go away by itself." This, to me, reads as "fatties delude themselves". Would it really be possible to ignore for that long? She would have had to change her entire wardrobe. Besides, most women I know would jump straight into "OMG, I'm such a fat pig" when they gain weight. I still do that too, despite my FA beliefs. So I call bullshit on this attitude. Niles apologizes for all the lavish dinners, but Daphne thinks it's her own fault: "I just need to develop some willpower." This I liked, because it was a realistic, self-aware response. (Even if I don't agree with the idea of "willpower" presented here.)

Martin comes in to help with the lifting, and Daphne now shows she's aware of his jokes: "No cracks, old man! I know I've gotten heavy and I've resolved to do something about it." The latter part bugs. She seems to be saying that it's no longer OK to make fun of her body, but it was OK when she was still stuffing her face. Why is this the only time we see Daphne confronting Martin about his attitude? One of my pet peeves, when TV characters make fat jokes, is that the fatty never gets to say anything sassy back. Daphne used to be sassy, but that was dropped when she gained weight.

I also felt that this scene, which ends with Frasier coming in and helping them lift Daphne, was unnecessarily humiliating. Does her moment of realization need an audience? I've noticed this in both cartoons and sitcoms: the moment of transition from fatty to dieter comes through a moment of humiliation - usually getting stuck or breaking something. This even allows for more dull fat jokes; Martin blithely notes: "It took three Cranes to lift you." Hilarious.

Niles tries to help Daphne by getting her an exercise machine and leaner food. After a while, she is caught hiding donuts and chocolate bars all around the house. On the one hand, I don't think it would have made sense for her to suddenly stop overeating cold turkey. On the other hand, I found the hidden snacks to be an annoyingly stereotypical fatty joke (OMG donuts!). This is, again, keeping with the tradition of fat hate in comics and sitcoms: fatty has no willpower, so others need to make her diet, and she will continue to fight against it in secret. When she's caught, Daphne breaks down, cries and admits that she has a problem. The reaction from both Niles and Frasier is sympathetic:

Niles: Come here, come here, it's all right my love. We're going
to get you through this.
Frasier: Of course we will, Daph. You know, there are professionals
who can help.
Martin: Yeah, they can wire your jaw shut, staple your stomach, put
a balloon in your gut...
Frasier: Thank you Dad! I was referring to something more like a spa,
all right? Although you might look into that jaw thing!


This time, Martin is confronted by Frasier (an element of hypocrisy on his part, since he did laugh at Daphne behind her back). I liked how Martin's extreme suggestions aren't treated as valid options. However, the fat jokes in the previous episodes sort of ruin the sympathetic attitude here. The only one who gets a pass from me is Niles, who has been nothing but caring to Daphne throughout. What I missed in this scene was the possibility that Daphne might not have to lose weight after all. If there's an eating problem, it can be helped without a weight loss goal, right? It bugs me that the writers didn't even see this as an option. If you've gained weight, you must lose it.

Upon Daphne's arrival, the others throw her a surprise welcome party. Her therapist has told her that Niles was looking at her through "love goggles" and not even noticing the weight gain. In fact, the therapist believes Daphne ate because she wanted to rebel against the idealized picture Niles has of her. Niles is hurt by this, which leads to the couple's first fight. Frasier tries to talk it over with Niles and says: "The woman gained sixty pounds, and everyone in the world saw it but you. All you ever saw was a perfect woman in a red dress." It may be true, but I don't like his vaguely despising tone here - "the woman"? - and the idea that everyone saw it. Well, I guess I don't mind that everyone saw it, but rather that everyone was staring and commenting at it behind her back. It still seems like Frasier thinks that's perfectly OK.

In the end, Daphne and Niles accept each other's flaws and make up. The weight gain/loss is used as a transition in their relationship.

David Hyde Pierce, who plays Niles, says in an interview:

“It was very important that the issue wasn’t her being overweight, since weight gain or loss is a very sensitive issue and not to be treated lightly, especially when so many people in Hollywood are really thin.”


It's a bit puzzling that they obviously gave this some thought and yet managed to make the plot pretty offensive. Yes, it's a sensitive issue - which is why you might want to not make fat jokes when you have a storyline like this. Also, it seems to me like her weight was the issue - why else go to a weight loss spa instead of seeing an eating disorders specialist or something? I seem to remember an older interview that I can no longer find, where Pierce mentioned that fans found it sweet that Niles loves Daphne and doesn't really even notice her weight gain. It says a lot about the audience's expectations, but I could almost agree that it is sweet - if it weren't for the "Niles is oblivious to Daphne's flaws" and "Daphne's trying to make herself unattractive" aspects. It's not completely unfeasible that she would do this, and it at least elevates the plot beyond "fatties love eating". But I was hoping that Niles' non-reaction could have been caused by something more positive - genuine love, seeing fat as attractive, or just not caring about weight.

So what does this storyline change? Nothing. No one learns anything. Daphne and Niles have to face each other's flaws, which they would have done eventually anyway. Martin wasn't confronted about his attitude. Daphne returns to status quo. Everyone's views on fat were validated through Daphne's crash diet, and that's it. Most sitcoms are known for their shallow treatment of deeper issues, but I think Frasier could have done better. I wouldn't say this about a show I have less respect for, but I really think this storyline was a disgrace.

Negative Compliments

Originally posted at Fatly Yours on Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Very often, when people say something good about a fat woman, it's not a simple positive compliment like "You look really good today." We all know the aggravating "You have such a pretty face" and "Have you lost weight?" variants, but there's also another type of negative compliment. It's the "at least you're better than" compliment. "You're much better off being fat than anorexic", or "You look much better than those skinny bitches". It's a compliment that directly offends someone else. The fat woman's positivity, especially looks-wise, is constructed through something she's not, the other extreme she's been able to avoid.

This is especially true of fat actors. I was looking through Camryn Manheim's imdb bio and made the mistake of reading some of her forum below. People are complimenting her appearance in this thread, but it seems to be combined with anger against thin actresses:

"I'd like to see a movie where Johnny Depp tells Kirsten Dunst "It won't work out, you're just too darn skinny!"


My jaw dropped when I saw this. Some people want to see a movie where a man dumps a woman based on her appearance. But hey, it's cool because she's unattainably skinny. If a man dumps a skinny woman, he does it for ALL women. He's not offending women who are naturally skinny, because everyone is naturally the same - on the slim end of normalweight - if they eat right and exercise. So really, he's not rejecting the woman inside, but the symbol of having to be skinny to be attractive to men. It might sound good, but this is the kind of logic that we should be trying to avoid. No body should be made into a symbol.

Some people see skinny the same way they see fat. It's unhealthy, it's a sign of having an eating disorder, it's the symbol of abiding to ideals instead of being yourself, it's not being real. This is not empowering or accepting in any way, because it's still making generalizations based on people's appearance and aggrandizing normalweight as the only real body people can have. In my experience, the people who make fun of "stick insects" are the same people who laugh at fatties. They will try to flatter you by saying they find skinny women ugly.

I don't think it's fat acceptant at all to go around saying you'd rather see a fat actress than a "stick insect", "skeleton", or "anorexic". These are all terrible words (except "anorexic" when applied to people with actual anorexia). Some women are naturally that way and should have the right to be seen as normal variants, not as extreme examples of dieting. Some skinny women love eating. Some skinny women are fat acceptant. Most skinny women are far from being bitches.

The negative compliment is really a double negative, because it goes against fat women too. The underlying idea is that fat is sort of a bad thing. Better than some other things, but still inherently bad. Why is it that we never hear fat women compared favorably to "normalweight" ones? Some people do prefer fat women to normalweight women; it's only a matter of taste. However, they're usually shot down with "But it's unhealthy to be fat!" as if sexual tastes have anything to do with health.

Predictably, someone in the thread asks, "Is this a thread for fat fetishists"? Remember, if you like a fat woman's appearance, you like fat; if you like a thin woman's appearance, you like women, or the individual woman. It's ironic, because lots of men fetishize thin women and their disciplined, obedient bodies. This is often not a conscious thing and they are not called on it, so they assume their fetish is just regular heterosexual lust, or even something better - unusually high standards: "I like a really beautiful woman."

As a lesbian, I find many thin women attractive. I also find many fat women attractive. It doesn't seem to have that much to do with weight; it's more about the looks of each individual. I used to try and like exclusively fat women, because it's not fat acceptant to like thin women and everyone already likes them anyway. But then I realized three things:

1) fat acceptance has nothing to do with physical attraction;

2) everyone does not like thin women. There are lots of people who find both fat and thin
repulsive, and are proud to proclaim this;

3) shock horror - thin women have body insecurities too.

So really, it hurts people when we say, "This woman is a stick insect", or "I find people this skinny repulsive". It's never fun to hear that you, or people your size, are repulsive. You don't have to find everyone attractive, but it shows poor judgement and lack of empathy to go around saying people are ugly or repulsive. And in this digital era, you can be sure that stars sometimes read conversations about themselves online. Why do we expect them to have egos of steel that aren't affected by such comments?

"I'd rather see a fat woman than a skinny one" is a straw man. It expresses the attitude that fat is bad, but skinny is even worse. It's a misguided way to rebel against beauty ideals. It changes nothing. One woman is still called beautiful at the expense of another; the ideal is reversed to be anti-skinny, but it's still exclusive. Here's a revolutionary idea: if you find someone beautiful, why not just call her beautiful?

By the way, Camryn Manheim is pretty awesome.

DJ on Full House

Originally posted at Fatly Yours on Wednesday, June 11, 2008

As usual, I have to start by saying that she wasn't really fat. Even if it's tagged Fictional Fatties - actually, Fat in Fiction might have been better - it's more an example of an average-sized girl going on a diet and how a family show handled that. It'll be more like a recap of one specific episode.

Donna Jo "DJ" Tanner was the oldest daughter on the sappy family show Full House, aired in 1987-1995. She was played by Candace Cameron, the one of the young actors on the show who I think could act, so maybe she was picked for her acting ability rather than her looks. The writers couldn't write small children - they were precocious and irritating, while DJ mostly got pretty realistic (well, compared to the rest of the show) dialogue that required a bit of acting.

So, DJ was chubby. Her best friend Kimmy Gibbler (Andrea Barber) was lanky. I like how they looked like real teenagers, because they were really teenagers, not some 21-year-old actors hired to look flawless on camera. Yet the chubbiness somehow became a problem. The Behind the Scenes documentary notes that the TV industry was becoming more aware of anorexia. So it illogically follows that "everyone was worried that the more heavy-set Candace would go too far in the other direction". Wow. Who is "everyone"? What is the "other direction" as opposed to anorexia? Going too far in self-acceptance? Maybe it's binge eating disorder? But no, apparently it's "getting too chubby", because her parents hired her a personal trainer. To stop her from becoming anorexic, or something. This was when she was 17. I think it's ridiculous that people couldn't see a contradiction between telling a slightly chubby 17-year-old to diet and wanting to save her from anorexia. How is a professional trainer going to save you from developing an eating disorder - especially if s/he was hired only to make the girl thinner?

That's not my actual topic, even if it is pretty angering. Some years before this, in the fourth season, there was a whole episode about DJ's weight. It was called Shape Up. It's a really typical example of how dieting and teen body image issues are often dealt with on family shows. At this point, DJ is about 13-14 years old (Candace Cameron was the same age as her character).

The episode begins with DJ snacking on cookies in her room, because chubby girls eat cookies for breakfast (and by chubby I mean average build and round cheeks). A pretty bad start. She's planning her birthday party and it's going to be a pool party, so she has to get "in shape" for it. She ditches the cookies. Kimmy's there and DJ expresses envy over her figure. Kimmy says she looks that way because "I watch what I eat" - and then she picks up a cookie and says, "That looks good," and eats it. I actually liked this bit - sure, it's just a throaway joke, but I think the "I watch what I eat" of most slim people is based on pretty much that. "I'm slim, and I sometimes skip a snack, so I watch what I eat." I would have preferred if Kimmy also expressed anxiety about her figure and wanted to go on a diet together, because skinny girls feel it too.

DJ goes on a crash diet where she basically doesn't eat at all. Later in the episode, she bumps into Becky in the kitchen (the relationships of the Tanner household are too complex to go into, but suffice it to say that Becky is the only adult female in the house). Apparently DJ has pinned pictures of skinny models on the fridge door - warning sign nr 1 - and Becky asks her if she's trying to lose weight. DJ says she has a pool party coming up, and "I have two weeks to look like you." Warning sign nr 2 that this isn't going anywhere good. Becky, played by ex-model Lori Loughlin, is thin and pretty.

This is what DJ needs to hear: "What? No! You're good enough the way you are! You're too young to go on a diet anyway. You don't have to look like me, because I'm me and you're you. Come on, let's have ice cream together." But what does Becky say? She starts listing foods that you can totally eat when you're on a diet: "lean meat, steamed vegetables..." and acts blissful about it. I'm not saying yay for burgers and yuck for anything light, but it seems like Becky's done a fair bit of dieting in her life. DJ says she's supposed to not eat, and now Becky's got her thinking about food. She storms out. Warning sign nr 3. So, a teenager acts like she should be eating nothing, so she can get skinny. What would you do if you were in Becky's shoes? I know what I'd do - go talk her out of her diet, and if she's not persuaded, go tell her Dad about it. Sure, it might not work, but try at least. If a young girl with low self-esteem wants to diet, you tell her she doesn't need to. That's pretty basic stuff.

Later on, Becky and Jesse (John Stamos) get their wedding cake samples for testing. They're all chocolate, and before anyone else has a chance to try them, Michelle (Mary-Kate and/or Ashley Olsen) jumps in and starts scarfing them down with both hands. Everyone laughs like this is the cutest thing ever. She just ruined the wedding cake samples for everyone else. If I had done that at age three, I would have gotten a huge sermon, but okay. I guess we need a scene about gluttony vs. control, and I'm actually surprised they didn't give it to the "resident fatty", Joey (Dave Coulier), who for a long time was only a bit chubby, but still got relentless teasing from the muscular Jesse especially. And who, of course, was shown eating nothing but junk food all the time. The others ask Michelle which piece of cake she likes the very best, but of course she's had no time to take it in. If you stuff your face, you won't enjoy it! But is that the true lesson of this scene, or is it: the cute youngest child gets away with anything? DJ retires to her room with an icicle, claiming that she likes it better than chocolate cake, even if you can tell she finds it dreadfully dull. Warning sign nr 4. Everyone in the family seems to think this is perfectly normal.

In the evening, DJ weighs herself. Finding out she has only lost a pound, she gets depressed. Jesse randomly shows up. DJ says she's done with the diet, since it doesn't work. "Good for you!" Jesse says. Finally a voice of reason? "Tell you what, we could all use some shaping up - let's go to the gym tomorrow!" Wait, what?! I'm not sure how an insecure teenager is supposed to read that message. Also, Jesse has huge muscles, and Becky is model thin, and yet they need "shaping up"? The family exercising together, for instance by walking, playing games outdoors or swimming, would be something I'd consider positive, but going to the gym to "shape up" comes dangerously close to "fitness vs. fatness for the whole family".

See, I'm not sure what the writers are saying here. This is a family show of a not-so-intellectual variety, and they usually aren't too subtle about stuff. I know DJ's downward spiral of dieting is supposed to continue until the middle or end of the episode, so the grownups can't make her eat before that. I'm just wondering if they're making some kind of commentary on parents and diets/eating disorders. Are they blaming the parents and guardians for not being observant enough? Do they think Becky and Jesse's attitude on DJ's body image problem - which screams for acceptance, not diet foods/gym advice - is the ideal, or do they think these two are being blind to the real problem and accentuating it? It's hard to tell. I'd hate to give the writers of this show too much credit, so I'm guessing they think Jesse and Becky are being responsible and trying to help. Which would make them as misguided as Jesse and Becky.

Before they hit the gym, we learn that DJ gives all of her food to Kimmy somehow. I know she lives next door and is always visiting, but I'm not sure if I buy that she's around that much. Kimmy refuses to eat it, because she's tired of the way Tanners make sandwiches. Specifically, there's too much ham, but I'm not sure if that's really relevant in any way. DJ feeds her sandwich to their dog instead. As he eats, she tells him he's lucky, because dogs don't have to be thin. Awww, neither do you, DJ! Little sister Stephanie sees this and is worried. The first time someone worries about DJ, and it's not one of the adults. DJ is able to make Stephanie promise to keep this a secret, because Stephanie is just a child and doesn't understand how dangerous it is to go without eating.

At the gym, we get some confusing gender politics. Becky takes Stephanie with her to an aerobics class, while DJ works out on her own and Michelle is taken to a children's gym. Stephanie, who is about ten, works out with the grown women and has no problem doing this. I'm not sure if I buy that. I'm also not sure I buy that the guys all go to a women's aerobics class so they can oogle the hot chicks, and then of course fail miserably because they're so out of shape. Har har! Out of shape women = tragic, out of shape men = hilarious. If you take nothing else away from this episode, let it be this.

Meanwhile, DJ is struggling to get in shape at the gym where, apparently, you have to be either a very slim woman or a very buff man to join. As "ideal" bodies walk past her, DJ weighs herself and finds she hasn't lost any weight in the ten or so minutes she's been there. Well, duh, but I can understand that a child would expect to have lost weight. DJ gets on the stairmaster and pedals for her life. Predictably, she soon faints. On any TV show where a girl goes on a crash diet, she will soon faint and alert everyone of the problem.

At home, Stephanie can no longer keep a lid on things, and the family gets to hear about DJ's diet. At this point, the grown ups are suitably worried and tell her to eat something right away. Well, about damn time. DJ gets mad and runs upstairs to her room so that the lesson portion of the show may now begin.

Each Full House episode had a lesson that was given by the girls' father Danny. It's really pretty tedious. I have very few positive things to say about either the lessons themselves or Bob Saget's acting skills. This time, though, DJ's plight seems very real. Danny compassionately tells her about his childhood and how he looked funny to others, but DJ isn't won over. She shows her Dad a fashion magazine - fashion! The great culprit in eating disorders and body image issues! She says no one there looks like her, with her "Charlie Brown cheeks". Somehow I found that line heartbreaking. Charlie Brown is cute, but if you feel you look like him, that can't be a nice feeling. It's probably a nod to Charlie Brown's self esteem issues too, coming to think of it. Danny finally finds the right words as he asks if anyone else DJ knows looks like that, and if she only hangs out with people who look like models. He tells her that people like her for who she is, and they don't care if she's chubby. She should eat healthy, exercise and just be herself. DJ agrees to stop dieting. After this, her weight isn't mentioned again.

I must admit that as a teenager, this episode would have touched me and perhaps made me feel a little better about my body. I would have liked how DJ is accepted as a chubby girl and how I could be too. So I do think this episode, all in all, sends a pretty positive message to young viewers.

However, as an adult, I must cringe at the hypocrisy of it all, especially in light of the later events. The message, as such, is true (although it has its limitations; some people will judge you for not being thin). However, the show writers/producers obviously don't really believe in it, if slightly chubby Candace Cameron had to go on a diet. The constant berating of Joey for his "weight problem" is another instance of hypocrisy, which interestingly wasn't touched upon in this episode at all. I also wonder if chubbiness would be OK for the show's only adult female, Lori Loughlin. And if they had known when casting Cameron that she would get a bit chubby in her teen years, would they have cast someone else?

The show could have redeemed itself by revisiting the topic from time to time, making Kimmy as insecure of her thin body as DJ is of her chubby one, and having Stephanie and Michelle also develop weight-related self esteem issues even if they have a slighter build. Using one episode to focus on something that touches most young girls' lives is a bit of a cop-out, because 20 minutes is simply not long enough to really deal with the issue. You can't fix someone's self esteem with one pep talk, and the pressure DJ feels at 13 might only be a fraction of what she feels later on as she realizes she isn't going to grow up to be skinny like models. That, at least, was my story.

Isabelle on Weeds

Originally posted at Fatly Yours on Tuesday, June 3, 2008

(sorry, couldn't find any decent-sized, saveable images of Allie Grant. You can check her imdb page.)

Weeds is one of those shows I watch periodically, trying to "get into it". It's not really my brand of humor - everyone's so sarcastic all the time and people seem much more confident than they would be in real life. Then there's the constant need to shock viewers, as if the premise of a housewife selling weed wasn't shocking enough on its own. It all leaves a sort of artificial taste in my mouth.

But there's something I think they depicted pretty well: the character of Isabelle (Allie Grant), a chubby girl of about 11-13, and her relationship with her mother. It's so far from the "fat families" cliché that I found it very refreshing.

Isabelle's mother Celia (Elizabeth Perkins) is one of those acid middle-aged lady characters who sees the whole world with a mixture of contempt and opportunism. Some people adore this kind of character for comedy fodder, while I always come to despise them. I'm not sure how realistic the depiction is; maybe intelligent women who have nothing to do but be rich housewives grow bitter and manipulative, because their brains are being wasted. Either way, Celia doesn't act like she has any warmth in her whatsoever, and on a show like Weeds, redeeming qualities are not needed. She is, as one might guess, not the most loving of mothers as it is (she even regrets not aborting Isabelle's older sister), but her way of dealing with a chubby daughter is interesting.

In the first episode, we see Celia in the audience of Isabelle's soccer practice. During the break, Isabelle comes to her mother, proud of herself and hoping for some support, but instead she gets, "I'd like to see more running, Isa-belly! That's what burns the fat." Isabelle's face falls and she goes away to get something to drink. "Water or sugar-free soda only!" Celia calls after her. All of this in a loud voice in front of Isabelle's team mates.

In a short scene, we've established several unusual, even cliché-breaking, things:
-The mother as a bully
-Slim, weight-conscious mother with a chubby child
-A mother who does all she can to keep the child slim, but clearly doesn't do it out of love for her

This kind of behavior is often restricted to TV mothers of skinny overachievers who turn out to be anorexic. Mothers of fat children are usually depited as fat, clueless and/or junk food addicted. By having a chubby child in the role of Isabelle, the writers of this show might actually be saying that sometimes, even if the child is considered overweight, the mother might in fact be a slim, appearance-obsessed woman who wanted a skinny little princess. In other words, Isabelle's weight isn't shown to be her mother's fault, and the criticism of the mother's behavior is not tied to the child's weight, but rather to her behavior. It could even be read as a criticism of putting children on a diet.

In another episode, Celia finds a chocolate stash from Isabelle's room (cliché, but understandable - I'd hide chocolate too if I were her daughter). Instead of confronting her daughter about it, Celia decides to switch the chocolates with chocolate-flavored laxative bars. This causes an unfortunate incident at school, which leaves Isabelle feeling completely humiliated. Her father Doug is caring and compassionate, while Celia stays distant. She tells Doug in private that Isabelle got diarrhea because "she is a little pig", and admits her deed without any shame whatsoever. Doug is furious and horrified at his wife: "They called her shit girl!" This doesn't faze Celia. "Better shit girl than fat girl," she says. She tells him that, unfortunately, they live in a world where skinny is admired, and she doesn't want her daughter to live her life scorned for being fat. Doug takes his pillow and blanket and goes downstairs to sleep, quipping at her, "I hope our children survive you!" In her room, Isabelle has heard everything. The morning after, she's shown changing her mom's laxatives into something else. At the breakfast table - Isabelle's breakfast: half a grapefruit -, Doug asks her compassionately if she's feeling better. "I am now," Isabelle says meaningfully, a line always used to show that a TV character is up to mischief. When Celia gets constipated, Doug is openly glad to see her suffer and calls it karma. Isabelle is shown grinning in her room that her plot was a success.

While there are some things about this episode that I'd criticize - the focus on defecating, Isabelle's unrealistic confidence in her revenge (or is it just meant to show she's her mother's daughter?) -, it stands out as another, more obvious example of parental cruelty. Celia is not happy with Isabelle's body, and is willing to manipulate her through humiliation. Perhaps she was hoping to wean her daughter of chocolate through this incident. It would be hard for even the most diet-minded person to defend her behavior with a concern for the child's health. It becomes obvious that Celia is concerned with appearances - not necessarily Isabelle's either, but her own. She sees her daughter as a reflection of herself; she does not want to be the mother of a "fat girl", and if Isabelle were bullied for something, she'd rather it be for shitting her pants than for being fat. Obviously, to Celia, there is nothing worse than a fat girl.

While the show itself seems shocking in a forced way, and there's certainly an element of that in these scenes too, I must say it's one of the most real-seeming depictions of a slim domineering Mom. Real life Moms like this might be less obvious, less willing to give their daughters diarrhea as a lesson - but the underlying issue, the need to have a "normal" daughter, is the same.

Isabelle is also apparently a lesbian. Awesome. Maybe I should start watching the show again.

Bridgette on Medium

Originally posted at Fatly Yours on Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Medium has a premise that might be hard to buy: a mother of three who's also a psychic, seesthings and talks to the dead, and helps the local DA with murder cases. It's based on a real person who may or may not really be psychic, Allison DuBois, who is portrayed on the show by Patricia Arquette. The realistic aspect of the show is the family life. In real life and on the show, Allison has three daughters. What interests me the most is the middle child on the show, Bridgette DuBois (Maria Lark). She divides opinions - precious sweetheart, unusually realistic child or irritating and precocious? I personally like her and think she's depicted quite realistically. She seems to have an actual personality, which is rare for child characters (especially ones that aren't the center of the show).

Bridgette is a rarity for many reasons. She's a tomboy. She doesn't comb her hair much. She's a bit of a "freak" - she might decide to camp in the dining room instead of sleeping in her room; she might want to wear a biking helmet to school every day; she sometimes sees dead people or has clairvoyant dreams. She's portrayed as unusually intelligent and aware of what's going on with her parents. And - she's chubby.

I love that she's chubby. I love that there's never been any issue with this on the show. I love that her two sisters are slim; I love that her parents are pretty slim; I love that she's gained weight during the show and her depiction hasn't changed. She's written as a girl with a personality, and her role could be played by a slim girl. This, to me, is always a good sign.

The family's eating habits seem realistic to me. With two working parents, there might be oatmeal or waffles in the morning, but more often than not, it's a quick bowl of cereal and then off to school. In the evening, the family eats a homecooked meal together - if the parents have time to prepare one. Food is a pleasure, but health is also considered. For instance, Allison is notorious for bringing healthy foods to soccer practice, and the parents insist that Bridgette eat her salad as well as the hot dog (note that she isn't expected to eat only salad while others eat hot dogs). Bridgette is only shown eating at meal times, and her diet isn't any different from her slim sister Ariel's. No commentary is ever made of the girls' weight.

What we often see on TV is a division between "fat families" and "slim families". The fat family has fat parents, fat children, fat grandparents, fat uncles and aunts, fat pets, and everyone's eating massive meals of grease and sugar all the time. (The most extreme fat family I've seen was on Eddie Murphy's The Nutty Professor.) The matronly mother is always telling her children to eat, or wondering if they get any food at all, especially if they've moved away from home. "Food is love" is the motto of such families.

The slim family is the norm. It consists of skinny mother and daughters, slim/muscular dad and skinny sons. The grandma and grandpa are allowed some chub; all family members under 60 are usually slim. They eat TV-normally - i.e., they eat homecooked meals together, but there are quite a few bags of chips and candy in between,which, as we all know, is OK for slim people but not for fat people. Also, they don't eat as much food as the fat family (it's all about eating less and exercising more!) Food isn't discussed much, and it's just a part of everyday life rather than the focus.

If there's a hybrid form, it's the fat men/skinny women family with a fat father and son, skinny mother and daughter. The rule of thumb in both skinny and hybrid families is that no girl over five or so is allowed to be chubby. That's why Bridgette caught my eye. While I wouldn't call her fat, I realized I'm not used to seeing school girls on TV with a body like hers. It's nice to see a realistic spread of children in a TV family. Most real life families I've known have been mixed: chubby child, skinny child, one in between the extremes, another chubby child. Siblings can have very different body types, but you rarely see this on TV. Maybe the idea that all of the girls have blonde hair, like the mother, is a bit annoying, because I haven't seen many totally blonde families either. But I do like the realistic touch in body types.

The girls' gender identities on the show are also somewhat interesting. Bridgette is a tomboy who likes to dress in boyish clothes, while her older sister Ariel is a super-feminine slim girl with long golden hair and pink clothes. There isn't rivalry set up between them (at least so far) even if Ariel is the popular girl and Bridgette is the freak at school. When the boys in Ariel's class rank her as a "hottie", Bridgette reacts not with jealousy but with obvious disbelief: "Someone thinks you're a hottie?! I thought you had to be smart to get to junior high!" This comment, to me, shows that she doesn't think about how boys might rank her. She speaks from her usual point of view of sisterly superiority - the same tone Ariel often takes with her.

The parents' attitude is also encouraging. The girls have distinct personalities and are allowed to be themselves. Allison and Joe worry about Bridgette being lonely, but as someone who never really fit in, Allison also sees a value in being a freak. When Bridgette decides to wear her bike helmet to school, Joe is worried and wants to wean her of it, while Allison demands that they let the girl be herself. In the end, she is allowed to keep the helmet on for her school photo.

Bridgette is often shown to be more alert and intelligent than Ariel. When the family go on a camping trip, they stumble across a dead body. Bridgette becomes suspicious about her mother always uncovering dead bodies and solving murder cases, but when she tries to discuss it with Ariel, the older sister just shuts her down. It's an interesting scene - does it mean Ariel is dumber than Bridgette, or less observant, or just in denial about what goes on with her mother, despite the fact that Ariel, too, has had clairvoyant dreams? As the popular one, she faces more pressure of being "normal". Bridgette has perhaps never been too concerned with that and is more interested in finding out the truth about their mother's abilities.

The chubbiness might be a part of Bridgette's "freak" personality. Maybe the implication is that she doesn't care about her appearance - also with the unkempt hair and boyish clothes - and is truly herself, no matter what others think. Maybe they would have written her this way even if she hadn't become chubby, or maybe they picked a chubby girl for the role because of this. Either way, it's part of the reason why I identify with the character. Way too many girl characters are meek, pretty and popular, and almost always thin. There's usually a chubby or fat boy in the "boy shows" - in fact, you'd be hard pressed to find a show that doesn't have any chubby guys. For girls, it's a different story. Even when the character is an outcast of sorts, a thin and pretty girl is usually picked (for instance, the unpopular Sam on Popular).

Interestingly, Patricia Arquette has gained quite a bit of weight since Medium began - not enough to make her fat in my book, but enough to put pressure on her to diet. She has refused to do so, stating that her body looks realistic for a middle-aged mother of three. I was positively surprised by this. A mother of three with a demanding job is likely to gain weight as time goes by, and this probably wouldn't be a big deal in real life. I like that she insists it's not a big deal on the show either.

Time will tell what happens with Maria Lark as she grows up. She might lose the chubbiness as she grows or grow up to be fat. She could be forgotten as a child star of yesteryear, or become a famous actress, in which case there will be more pressure on her to be slim. I wish the industry, like her parents on the show, would let her grow up to be who she truly is, but I have my doubts. At least she has a good example in her TV Mom.

Eating and Body Image on the Gilmore Girls

Originally posted at Fatly Yours on Sunday, March 30, 2008


For those who haven't seen it, this show revolves around Lorelei Gilmore (Lauren Graham) and her daughter Lorelei "Rory" Gilmore (Alexis Bledel). It's a slightly off-beat, wacky comedy/drama about quirky people in a small town. People who talk really fast and eat a lot of fast food. I'm not as thrilled with it as some others, but there were many good things on this show, and I enjoyed watching it.

The leading ladies are, of course, beautiful and skinny. However, they also break stereotypes in a way. Here we have two thin women who don't count calories, eat whatever they like and never really exercise. Some viewers have been annoyed at this, complaining that it's unrealistic and they'd be fat in real life. I don't think that's a given. In real life, too, some thin women can eat whatever they want, and writers aren't obligated to turn their characters into morality tales of "what happens if you eat unhealthy foods". An unhealthy-eating character who gets diabetes is no more realistic than one who doesn't, it's just a different story. Both endings are possible in real life also.

I feel like fat women are expected to envy women like this, but I don't. I find their eating habits pretty liberating and fun to watch. I don't think eating nothing but junk food is necessarily an enjoyable lifestyle, and for many people, it's dictated by poverty and other such issues, not by their taste in food. Knowing this, I still enjoy seeing two women eating and talking about food with a childlike, happy attitude that doesn't include counting calories or competing at who's eating the least or the healthiest. Lorelei and Rory make eating fun.

Luke, the owner of the diner they frequent, is set up as the counterpoint to their food attitudes. He constantly tells them they shouldn't be eating burgers and drinking coffee, and he tries to sneak in light options. His job, however, negates his message, and the Gilmore girls take his scoldings with a smile. I'm not sure if we're expected to agree with Luke or think he's an ass for telling them what to eat, but this never becomes a very strong conflict between the characters. I don't think I'd take comments like that in stride, but Luke is set up as the grumpy yet loveable hermit character who, despite his angry demeanor, has a heart of gold. I think the writers are saying he's too uptight about food, and that the relaxed joy of living that Lorelei and Rory represent is also manifested in their relationship with food.

Throughout most of the show, Lorelei is single. There are several love interests, and she comes close to marrying some of them, but she's not depicted as the typical "centre of attention" thin lady who all the guys fall for (think Ally McBeal). She has her own business and has had to make it on her own as a single parent. Instead of becoming a tough, no-nonsense kind of woman, she's still pretty chipper and nice to everyone. She has a quirky, likeable personality and a "live and let live" attitude. I think this is a pretty good, well-rounded character.

Rory, on the one hand, is a bookworm who has few friends, not a super popular cheerleader. This is nicely non-stereotypical, because bookwormish characters are often (TV) ugly and miserable. On the other hand, she is the kind of character all the boys fall for. I've always disliked depictions of teenage girls as femme fatales who make all the boys go wild, and this could be seen as an element of idealizing the skinny body. Rory is a little too perfect, and I feel ambivalent about her, but at least she's believably ambitious and insecure at the same time, not just a giggling, shopping stereotype. Her best friends are also pretty refreshing and non-stereotypical characters. Minus points for no fat girls in her high school and college though.




Then there's a fat character called Sookie (Melissa McCarthy). She's the second banana to Lorelei, so she gets minus points for that. Cheerful and always smiling, she does act a bit like a fat "best friend" stereotype - loyal and loveable, but never the star. I don't think she appears in every episode. In addition, she's a chef, so her work and much of her life revolves around food.

However, there are also many positive things about her depiction. Sookie knows her food and cooks it herself. She has a joy of eating that is just as uninhibited as that of Lorelei and Rory, but it's mixed with a knowledge and appreciation of food that they don't have. For example, Sookie and her husband Jackson grow some of their own vegetables, while Lorelei never eats salad. These two attitudes on food can be seen as complimentary, because Sookie also enjoys unhealthy treats. She gets better nutrition, but there's no element of moral virtue in her eating. A fat woman who enjoys eating but is also mindful of nutrition and cooking is a positive rebuttal of stereotypes. Sookie isn't on a constant diet, and she isn't shown as either more gluttonous or more deprived than Lorelei.

Another positive thing about Sookie is that she's not depicted as a lonely single woman with no hope of ever finding a man. During the show, she gets married and has two children. (Note that being a happy single woman who doesn't need a man would be just as positive.) Her marriage doesn't fall into trouble, Jackson doesn't leave her for a pretty young model, and no one acts surprised that Sookie could find someone.

What's more, I don't remember hearing Sookie make any derogatory remarks about her own looks. Her mind isn't occupied with thoughts of dieting, so she's free to be happy and focus on living her life. I see that in Lorelei and Rory too. McCarthy was on a diet during the show, so Sookie became a bit smaller, but this was never referenced to. (The picture is taken after the diet.)

The town of Stars Hollow, where Lorelei and Rory live, isn't made up of young and skinny people either. Most of the inhabitants are middle-aged, and in addition to Sookie, there are several fat women living in the village. They're not clumsy and laughable*, they don't throw themselves at men, and they're not made fun of. People don't wait until they're out of the room and then start whispering, "Did you see how big she was?" In Stars Hollow, fat ladies are a part of the normal life of the village. This is what I see happening in real life too. When I watch many other shows aimed at women - Sex and the City and The L Word and such -, I see nothing but slim and thin women. Seeing fat women on a TV show feels comfortable. It makes me feel like I'm not completely invisible.

Is the show unrealistically non-weight-centric for today's world? Is it a positive depiction or a brushing-the-problem-under-the-rug depiction if a thin girl never once thinks she might be too fat, or if teenage girls only talk about rock music and literature, never about their figures? I'd love to see a show where eating disorders and body image issues are realistically depicted, or what's more, one that is brave enough to have the Sookie character in the main role. But you can't have everything, and I think Gilmore Girls got many things right.

With some comedies, I've had to worry about being offended by the fat characters. This is especially true of popular comedies like Friends. I don't remember once being offended watching Gilmore Girls. The show seemed to carry a soothing undertone of equality: there's room for different body types and lifestyles, because life is not a dieting contest.

*=In the very first episode, Sookie was shown as clumsy, falling over her pots and pans and setting something on fire. Luckily, they dropped this angle soon.