The F Word

Originally posted at Fatly Yours on Monday, August 27, 2007

I've often pondered on the semantics of the words fat, overweight, obese, and so forth. I've always hated words other than fat, even if I use the word obese - or obesity, more likely - on my blog now and then. Just a note here that I do not endorse the message of the word; when I use it I mostly mean it in the sense "what people call obesity". Because really, obesity and fatness are two different things. Obesity is a medical word that has very little meaning other than "doesn't fit the norm", and fatness is just a body type. Not all people who are seen as fat are necessarily obese, either.

So yes, obese and overweight make us sound sick and are very often used to camouflage negative, even hateful, feelings about fat. My pet peeve, however, has to be euphemisms like big-boned. That one in particular just screams "self-deluding fatty who needs to be protected from the ugly truth about his/her body". "Heavy bones" is one of the dumbest excuses ever - and when I say excuses, I don't mean excuses fat people actually use, because I never heard any fat person say it. It's one of those imaginary excuses that people think fat people always use, because they've been featured in a comic or TV show. So yeah, let's define fat people by it, and thus define us as excuse-makers.

Another thing that bugs me is the way people behave when they hear you say "I'm fat". I've noticed that women always think it's meant as a derogatory comment aimed at one's own body and must be countered with a quick "Hey, you're not fat!" It's an almost angry response: "How dare you say that about yourself!"

I remember actually getting fat and realizing it changed the way that people respond to it. You get the slow drawling: "But you're not faat exactly..." And you get the awkward silence. Some people still do say I'm not fat, though. But here's the thing: some of them find it annoying that I even say it. Because you know, lose some weight or live with it. Just don't say anything. I can't say "since I'm fat, I have difficulty finding clothes in my size" (which actually has more to do with the selection in said store than my body, but whatever) and mean it as a statement. If I replace fat with short, I can say it. No one's going to look at me pityingly and say, "But you're not short!" (and frankly, at 5'2'', I'd call bullshit if they did).

So use the word fat if you dare, but beware: some people will inevitably see you as a self-pitying whiner. And I'm not saying that I've never called myself fat "in the bad way" (still do sometimes, just ask my girlfriend). But getting the same pity or annoyance when you just use it as a statement can be a pretty dampening experience. Others aren't only scared when you use it, they actively try to rebuke it and stop you from assigning the word with positive meaning - consciously or not.

Adding "fat acceptance" as one of my interests on MySpace gave me diet ads. One "big and beautiful" dating site, but the rest of it - Weight loss for idiots, South Beach diet, raw food diet (our original diet!!)... It seems silly because MySpace doesn't allow you to use fat as a body description. Where MySpace is concerned, fat doesn't exist. It's "more to love" or "some extra baggage". So your weight is baggage that you carry around, but hey don't worry - it's just more of you to love! No definition of how the distinction works. Are we talking perception or BMI? If most people think I look just chubby, am I only "some extra baggage"? But if anything, it sounds worse than "more to love". Why are fat people only given euphemisms, while non-fat people get to pick from "slim/slender, athletic, average"? Average might as well be normal though. And more to love is definitely not normal, but hey, it's OK, because... yeah.

It's not easy to bring awareness when even MySpace doesn't let me call myself fat.